Yesterday was 14th Feb, the Valentine's Day.! Perhaps, just another day on the calendar. Rewind my life by a coupla years and the song ringing in my ears would be 'कितना सोणा तेन्नु रब ने बनाया .. ', whereas, now I find '...so let's break up, ओ मेरी जान' equally amusing.! Why this change? One thing for sure - this is a good change. I didn't chase girls even at the Sula Fest this year. Oh, I am still straight and find girls attractive ☺ . It's more of a change in myself. I think I have not only learnt but also adopted to be my self, to be happy with what I am and what I have.! Maybe this is what they call 'making peace'. Also, I am not inclining towards asceticism and become a hermit or a yogi who finds this world mundane and full of distractions. It's more of a change in the perspective. Everyone looks for that one absolute and perhaps abstract truth. Maybe I have found mine. And I am able to view most of the things, people, events and tendencies manifesting out of that absolute truth I call - Krishna!
Still single at 30 but also serene at heart and that too on a day dedicated to celebrate love.! 2 years back I was thinking what kind of a girl I want and I searched for her, actively. Today I know what kind of a girl I do NOT want. Big change! 2 years back, I wasted my energy in futile pursuits and today I have grown wiser to spend my energy towards building a better me.! Prachi Kulkarni - thanks to her.! She never really got closest to my heart and now I can see why.! She has all those attributes that I don't want, convincingly. I don't mean to criticize her, given my critical nature and high pitched nose that smells just everything. She is unique by her means. But her presence is harmful to my happiness. Of course we are way too far from being compatible.
Even though she did inspire me in my recent difficult times, she is potentially more harm than good. Born in 1985, educated and married off against her liking, she has been through a hard life. A painful divorce still bleeds her heart even after 3 years now. The divorce, her ex-husband and what exactly went wrong is completely her personal stuff. One thing for sure - it was bitter! She comes to anyone as a hard nosed, cunning minded woman full of bitterness. Gosh, she rejoiced cursing one of her friends on his birthday. She has a attractive body but is tall compared to her Indian male counterparts. Ambitions, aspirations and a big fat ego drips out of every breath that she exhales. To add, she lacks clarity and purpose in her life big time. Maybe she wants to prove her worth to none other than her father. And she wants to do that by portraying a strong, successful and independent woman. Now, wait a minute.! This is a natural desire. But when? Maybe in your college. Or maybe when one has been oppressed all her life. She is born with a silver spoon and though she was taken for granted in her youth of building a career and family, she only makes a fool out of herself. Can one prove oneself by running away from her inhibitions or by confronting them? She tells me that she built her dad's business from a few lakhs to 50 crores and she is working for herself in a job that treats her like a doormat. I have known her since 2015 but got to peek inside her when she sought my help to pursue a career overseas. Australia, Canada and US are the obvious choices. But it is definitely more than just a country with abundant wealth. She doesn't know what does she want and so, she has no idea where to find it.! She has come up with a fantastic explanation to ditch her overseas pursuit - parents! She wants to stay close to them. Now, Nasik and Aurangabad are not too far. But a 4-5 hour drive is justifiable when you have a family of your own and circumstances do not allow for major changes to make it a bigger family. My parents have worked all their lives and a big chunk of their careers is spent in different places. Same is true of my grandpa. He migrated out of his native place (something I will never advocate) with his wife and first kid in search of a better life. Prachi has no husband, no kids and there's nothing to hold her away from parents if she really means her words. Furthermore, her parents undoubtedly will want her to get a life, travel places, raise kids and find her soul mate who grows old with her. The fact that she has lived with her parents and grown her family business by leaps for 7 long years, implies that she lies to even herself.
So far, so good.! Nothing out of the world yet.! However, she reminds me of the 'Jennie' in 'Forest Gump' movie. All messed up and going for rides that take her in circles. At the same time, even if her mother points her pathetic self to a happier side, she takes it exactly the opposite. I advised her to take the highway to states and pursue not just money but a career that her successors would be proud of. She also signed up for GRE. And she is the first one I have seen to be utter careless and bunk the test. Why? Her boss called her over for a routine meeting on a Sunday, the day of her test. Such a loser she is! I don't think she needed to crunch her back and study for long hours, since that was not required for the masters program she was seeking. Though not a geek, all she needed was a standard test score. That would have established her intent to bring her thoughts into actions. Thus, she appears ambitious but is very hollow at the core.
Apart from work, we went out on a bunch of lunch, dinner and movie dates in the city and at her place. My mom has never met her but hates her - this is beyond my understanding. Yes, I don't hide anything from my mom and this includes Prachi. There could be a woman-to-woman 7th sense there.! No wonder women are complex! A close friend often suggested that if she is frequently in my words, maybe I should take the initiative and take things to next level. I did like her. Given the good times we spent, I even missed her occasionally. Weird woman - she gets flustered if she hears 'I miss u'. Yes, she has her share of affairs, post marital and extra marital but no pre marital. The kind of victim she portrays tells that men in her life were interested in just spreading her legs apart. What is that word? 'Misogynist' is the one who hates women. She hates men and maybe tries to avenge for her sufferings. I never proposed her. But my eyes don't lie. Affection, hatred and sheer indifference - all these are evident no matter what I say! She knows that.! A woman who says 'I am liking what's building between us with a chemistry that is getting better' and forsakes a blossoming friendship is a big fool.! Not just narrow minded, but also her shrewd nature has built a big fat wall around her heart. Guys - before you give your first try to reach out to her, please make sure that she has a open heart that acknowledges true emotions of at least her own self.! Anyways, when I got irked by my friends' persistence I took him to meet her in office in the guise of a professional need. 10 minutes of their chat changed his perception by 180 degrees. Now he tells me the opposite. More importantly, he pointed out that she fakes her capabilities, professionally. She says she has a lot to offer and can't find time to do so but in reality has nothing much on her plate. I can relate to that when she says that she knows supply chain management and her most familiar tool is 'ABC analysis'. I could have exposed her then and there, but I didn't find any good coming out of that. In fact, she would have proved once again that she loves to live in denial.
Last week she said that she has moved on. But hey, when did we move in?! Never!! All we ever did was support and motivate each other as time and circumstances demanded. I do that for anyone who crosses my path. In the end, one potentially beautiful relationship ended that never began in the first place.
To summarize, right now in this Krishna temple, I am convicted that the girl of my dreams and the queen of my heart is not 'Prachi' because such girls are highly self-conceited, careless, confused, lack a value system and are more of speakers than listeners.
Hey Sam from 'Dil Chahta Hai', 'Did you find your girl?....वो लड़की हैं कहाँ ???''
:P
Kiran.
